We may have similar definitions for these three terms, so, to keep things straight, the Bible defines Kindness as compassion in action, Goodness as moral integrity and righteous action, and Gentleness as strength under control.
The world teaches men that gentleness is a weakness. God’s word tells us gentleness (reasonableness) is power under control. When Paul wrote, “Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.” (Philippians 4:5), he wasn’t describing a timid, soft-spoken personality. He was describing a spiritual strength that refuses to let anger or pride dictate a man’s response.
In today’s culture, a man must prove himself by the power and control he wields. He’s taught to win at all costs; to take no prisoners. Victory is found in volume, not empathy. Men are constantly bombarded with messages that tell them showing emotion is a liability.
Scripture
“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.”
— Philippians 4:5 (ESV)
Gentleness is not weakness—it’s strength surrendered to the Spirit. Paul connects gentleness to awareness: “The Lord is near.” When a man lives with the steady confidence that God is close, he no longer feels the need to prove, push, or dominate.
Gentleness is the posture of a man who trusts God to defend his reputation and direct his steps. It shows up in tone, timing, and attitude—especially when frustration rises. It’s what happens when power bows to love, and confidence submits to Christ’s control. (I like the emphasis that God is never far.)
Application
The marketing messages to men are relentless. Real men don’t cry—Shake it off, Suck it up, Push through the injury, Don’t show weakness. Take control, be in charge—men prove their worth by deciding, leading, and winning. Never settle, always win— your possessions, position, and success define your worth. Prove you’re a man— masculinity must be earned and displayed. Strength means independence—Do it yourself, Own your own game—self-reliance above all else.
So, what does gentleness look like when displayed in a man’s life?
Gentleness doesn’t come naturally—it’s learned by submitting to the Holy Spirit. It’s power—but power under control. Gentleness does not include a strike-first, take-no-prisoners attitude. Gentleness is looking to God for the best reaction.
Let’s examine authentic, relatable, Spirit-led expressions of power under control in a man’s life:
In conflict, he lowers his tone instead of raising his voice. He pauses. He listens more than he speaks. He doesn’t always have to win the argument. The next time the kid’s antics are driving you crazy, ask God how He would have you respond.
In leadership, he is more concerned with building up his team members than getting his way. He gives positive correction instead of humiliation. He guides his family or team with firmness and understanding. Having the team succeed is always his priority.
In marriage, he doesn’t use his wife’s faults as weapons. He leads with compassion, not criticism. He chooses patience over persistence. He models Christ and loves his wife as He does. He puts his wife’s well-being above his own.
With his children, he disciplines with love, not anger. He teaches and models Christ’s behavior. He builds trust, not fear. He’s available. He listens. He’s their biggest fan.
In friendships, he is a listener, supporter, and encourager. He builds friends up. He’s there when they need him. He models Christ.
In service, he uses his skills, talents, and gifts for God’s glory. He’s reliable. He’s dependable. He leads without needing recognition.
In spiritual maturity, he prays before reaching. He points other men to Christ. He’s steady, patient, and peaceful. He knows gentleness is not weakness, but power under control.
Gentleness isn’t a personality trait—it’s a posture of the heart. Its strength is Spirit-led. The gentleman doesn’t need to prove himself because he knows to whom he belongs. The world measures power by control. God measures it by compassion.
Today’s Challenge: pause then respond with gentleness
Before you react today—pause.
Before you reply, breathe.
Before you speak, pray.
Ask yourself: “How would Jesus respond in this moment?”
Then do that—no matter how unnatural it feels.
Gentleness doesn’t mean letting others walk over you; it means walking in step with the Spirit.
When you resist the urge to lash out, you make room for God to move.
Then pray this:
“Father, help me display Your strength through gentleness. When I’m tempted to react, remind me that You are near. Teach me to speak truth with grace, to lead with humility, and to love with patience. Let my responses reflect Your presence in me. May my strength be under Your control so others see Jesus, not my pride. In His name I pray, amen.”
Final Thought
Let’s face it, this fruit won’t be easy to produce. Gentleness is not a personality trait—it’s a fruit of transformation. It’s the outward expression of surrender.
The world says, “The loudest voice wins the fight.” Jesus says, “Be humble.” You don’t have to win every fight. You just have to walk in the Spirit.
Why? Because the man who learns to control his strength becomes the man God can truly use.
This week’s step: Each day this week, look for one opportunity to show gentleness where strength would normally take over. When conflict arises, pause before reacting. When irritation appears, don’t go for the throat. When you feel pressure to prove yourself, rest in the Spirit.
Let your reasonableness (gentleness) be evident to all.
Greek Word Meanings for Each Fruit.
download this PRINT-friendly devotional for your next men’s breakfast or Bible study.
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