The men who walk closely with God—the ones who lead well, finish well, and remain faithful—don’t get there by sheer willpower. Remember this axiom: hang around the wrong places and you’re bound to come in contact with the wrong men. Men who decide to walk faith’s road alone usually stumble or fall—under the weight of life’s challenges. Real faith does not grow in a vacuum. It happens in the presence of other men who push you to grow. Who supports you along the way? Who helps you up when you fall? Who lifts you up in prayer as a brother cares for another brother.
Too often, we settle for shallow relationships—conversations where secrets can stay covered. Where weaknesses can be guarded, where faults are not brought into the light, as guys, we need to keep our “game faces” intact. Men often default to small talk, topics which include work, sports, hobbies, recent gear purchases, jokes, news or politics; anything but showing vulnerabilities.
Understand that a guy who really cares about the relationship, who cares how you’re doing, will eventually ask the difficult questions. We’re not talking about an interrogation, but an “I’ve got your back” discussion. He might choose topics such as your walk with God, integrity or character, sin or temptation, responsibilities, or your calling. These are iron-sharpening-iron questions. These are conversations both men benefit from. These are times when solid relationships are built.
Waiting for these relationships just to happen won’t cut it. Why do we believe someone wiser will show up at the last minute to be our wingman and get us out of trouble? Healthy, sharpening relationships don’t appear out of thin air—they need to be pursued. If you want to grow, you need to look for men who are further along in their spiritual walk. Once found, ask them to speak into your life.
Let’s understand, we’re already being shaped by the men around us. Subtle as it may be, if those men do not have a strong relationship with God—can dangerous times be far behind? If you’re not being sharpened toward Christ, then you’re being dulled to HIs voice.
Scripture
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
— Proverbs 27:17 (ESV)
Iron sharpening iron is not a pretty sight. It’s loud, gritty, messy. Sparks fly. Heat rises as unwanted edges are ground away. Both blades push back, feeling the resistance. It’s uncomfortable, and often confrontational—but it’s where truth is spoken and real sharpening takes place. Sharpening between men requires closeness, commitment, and a willingness to endure the uncomfortable moments because they both value the results.
Application
So, you’ve decided you need more seasoned men in your life. Now, how do you find these men? The men to look for should be faithful, available, teachable, authentic, “multiplying” men. Let’s drill down into these character qualities.
Faithfulness is the first character quality to look for. Men who show up in life, their word, in their walk with God. They’re steady, reliable. They may be well-known in the church, or they may work behind the scenes. You can tell they’re serious about their relationship with the Lord.
Teachable is the second trait. They have not arrived. They’re still learning from others. They approach Scripture and relationships with humility. They have an appetite for God’s Word.
Informal discipleship is the third attribute to look for. They naturally look for ways to invest their time in younger men over coffee, lunch, or while serving or volunteering. They’re seeking out people they can learn from. They’re encouragers. They see relationships as opportunities to move people closer to Christ.
They’re authentic. They’re willing to share their failures as well as their victories and struggles. They leave their game faces at home—no polished images here. There’s a sense of safe space when chatting with them. What gets said stays with them.
They’re rooted in God’s Word. Quoting Scripture is a natural part of their conversations. Their advice and counsel come from biblical truth, not opinion. They measure success by God’s standard.
Lastly, they’re kingdom-minded. They have a genuine concern for the lost. They see discipleship as part of their calling. They care about multiplication and growing themselves. They’re willing to step out of their comfort zone and invest in other men.
Brotherhood like this takes courage—because letting someone sharpen you means permitting them to challenge you. But it’s the only way to become the kind of man who can stand firm when life presses hard.
Today’s Challenge: don’t go it alone
Reach out to one godly man this week—someone older, wiser, or more seasoned in faith—and ask him to meet for coffee or lunch. Be upfront about your intent: “I’d like to do better on my walk with Christ.” Don’t overthink the timing. The growth you need is waiting, but it won’t come unless you act.
Then pray this:
“Father, bring a strong individual to my mind. Someone I can learn from. Someone who can help me along life’s path. Father, watch over our meeting and guide our conversation.”
Final Thought
The men who will most shape your life aren’t found in big, dramatic moments—they show up in consistent, ordinary conversations where truth is spoken, wounds are exposed, and courage is built. Don’t just look for men who make you feel good about where you are—find the ones who will push you toward where God is calling you to be. And remember, as much as you need sharpening, someone else needs you to be their sharpener. You’ll never become that man in isolation.
This week’s step: Make a list of three men: one ahead of you, one beside you, and one behind you. Pray over their names. This week, take the first intentional step toward building a deeper connection with each.
Snag this print-friendly version for your next men’s breakfast or Bible study.
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