Jesus had twelve. You just need a few good men. Most men don’t naturally reach for connection when life gets hard. We hunker down. We put on a brave face. We grind it out. Ask a guy how he’s doing, and the answer will likely be “Fine, I’m good.” We’re taught, “The captain goes down with the ship.” The problem here; is that this Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson attitude creates isolation. Isolation creates a feeling of distance from God and from others.
When I go it alone, I tend to think my advice is best. I’ve got this. How wrong I’ve been in the past. The Holy Spirit brings to mind Proverbs 12:15: “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice,” when I’m too far down the wrong road. What’s with us men sometimes? A recent survey, conducted by the Miami Herald, indicates that nearly half (46%) of men believe they could safely land a commercial airplane with air traffic control guidance in an emergency.
There’s evidence that this self-proclaimed lunacy bleeds over into numerous past decisions. There were seasons I felt like I had to figure everything out on my own. Starting multiple entrepreneurial hustles, navigating marriage, raising kids, and even spiritual battles — I kept it all to myself. But we’re not meant to carry life’s weight alone.
When I’ve leaned on a friend, a brother in Christ, the weight of those decisions felt lighter. Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto. Luke needed Han. When I invite another man’s wisdom and experience into the moment, things come into focus. That’s not weakness — that’s how we’re wired.
“Finding Your Four” draws inspiration from the story in Mark 2:3–5, where four friends carried a paralyzed man to Jesus. In military terms, fireteams often consist of 4 men. In leadership circles, 4-person accountability groups are common.
So, “Finding Your Four” isn’t just a catchy title for this post. It’s a simple plan any man can put into action.
Scripture
“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother,”
— Proverbs 18:24 (ESV)“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
— Galatians 6:2 (ESV)
Don’t think of Brotherhood as an option; it’s biblical. Christian men were never designed to do this journey alone. We were built for Brotherhood. Lifting each other up and doing life together.
Jesus Himself modeled this. He poured His life into twelve men. But had, Peter, James, and John closer. They journeyed together, formed relationships with one another, fought together, and failed together. It wasn’t always easy, but the relationships were real. And that realness created a foundation that launched the church.
You may not have twelve, but do you have one? One man who knows what you’re battling? One friend who speaks the truth even when it stings? One brother who doesn’t just pray for you, but with you? If not, it might be time to step toward connection instead of isolation.
Today’s Challenge: Opening Up Isn’t Easy
Here are three practical ways to lean into brotherhood this week:
- Send the First Text
Be the guy who reaches out first. Text a guy you respect and say, “Let’s grab coffee. I want to check in and hear how you’re doing.” - Ask Real Questions
Leave sports and politics for another time. Try, “What’s been the hardest part of your week?” or “Where are you feeling stuck right now?” - Be Honest First
You don’t have to drop your life’s story on someone, but be real. “I thought starting this new company would be easier.” “I’m struggling spiritually with this decision.” Honesty invites honesty.
Final Thought
Being vulnerable is not the first thing guys want to feel when having a conversation with another guy. But over time, the awkwardness fades, and brotherhood takes root. Avoidance doesn’t foster relationships; showing up does.
If you’re too uncertain or nervous about opening up to someone, then just have coffee, lower the pressure, turn down the anxiety; there’s always a second time.
