The Fruit of the Spirit isn’t a list of behaviors to achieve — it’s the evidence of Who’s in control. We hear about the Fruit of the Spirit all the time in church, but many guys don’t know what it looks like when these behaviors are applied to their lives, at work, when problems arise, when they are tempted, in their role as husband or dad, or when no one is watching. Why this matters? Because if a man gets love wrong, everything else in his faith starts to drift.
The world tells men: love is just a feeling. It depends on your mood, situation, or moment. This feeling can last for a while or be fleeting. The world says, “Put yourself first. Be true to your desires. It preaches that love means accepting everything, tolerating anything, and chasing whatever makes you happy. Another lie is, “If it’s passion or desire, it must be love.” And the final deception, “Love means never having to say no.” When people say “real love never says no,” they usually mean: “If you love me, you’ll agree with me.” “If you love me, you’ll let me do what I want.” It’s the idea that love equals unconditional approval.
Jesus demonstrated what love looks like throughout His time here on earth. He didn’t just recite childlike parables about love; He lived love out. He loved by sacrificing himself, the ultimate expression of love. He loved serving others. He healed the blind, the sick, and the lame. He attended to a society that was ignored. He loved speaking the truth, by confronting religious hypocrisy, not with condemnation but restoration. He loved pursuing the lost. He saw value in people no one else saw. Jesus loved by forgiving, even in His last moments on the cross. He loved to obey the Father.
What’s not being said enough? That real love doesn’t just happen. It takes hard work. It’s a daily choice to die to your pride, your preferences, and your right to be right. And for most men, that’s a tough battle the world tells men they can’t win.
Scripture
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another:
just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.”
— John 13:34 (ESV)
Jesus gave this command after washing the feet of men who’d soon betray, deny, and desert Him. That’s love in its rawest form—not the filtered, polished kind we talk about on Sundays.
He didn’t love them because they earned it. He loved because that’s who He was. Love wasn’t an emotion for Him—it was His nature. And if His Spirit lives in us, it’s supposed to become ours too.
Application
Why do men find it hard to show love?
From a young age, men are told, “rub some dirt on it,” “don’t cry,” and “man up.” These expressions are parroted so often that they become part of a man’s identity. Over time, men come to associate these sayings with vulnerability or weakness.
Many men were simply never taught the language of emotion. They can easily identify anger, stress, or pride—but struggle to navigate expressions such as affection, compassion, or tenderness. It’s not that men don’t feel love; they are at a loss as to how to show it.
It’s difficult for some men to open up because of past rejection or a misunderstanding. They believe showing love is risky. They’d rather keep the emotion of love hidden than look foolish or be hurt again.
Spiritually, some men have never fully received or understood God’s unconditional love. They believe love must be earned. If the father was absent, harsh, or emotionally distant, it’s easy to project that image onto our Heavenly Father.
Love as an emotion is not enough—love is proven through action. So, how do men demonstrate love? The spirit-filled man doesn’t just say he loves, he shows it. He serves his wife when he’s tired, makes time when his kids need direction, and is available. And for the single man, he shows love by honoring women with purity, serving others without recognition, and living with integrity when no one’s watching.
A spirit-filled man forgives quickly without holding a grudge. He doesn’t let bitterness take hold of his emotions. He provides love when it costs him, protects when it’s inconvenient, and takes responsibility when it would be easier to blame.
A spirit-filled man serves cheerfully. He checks his ego at the door. He demonstrates a willing spirit. He enjoys serving others; it’s not a chore.
And here’s the other thing no one’s saying: loving others doesn’t mean you’ll always be liked. Sometimes loving someone means confronting them, walking away from dysfunction, or choosing peace over proving your point. Love doesn’t always feel good—but it always does good.
Love anchors joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Today’s Challenge: let god’s love shine
See that homeless person or the driver who cut you off the way God sees them. Ask God to remind you how He loves you.
Then take one step toward someone whom you have written off as an unloving person. Send a text. A call. A prayer. Something. Don’t wait until you feel ready. Obedience opens the door for healing.
Then pray this:
“I admit—loving others doesn’t come naturally. I’m quick to protect, slow to forgive, and easily offended. But You loved me when I was unlovable. You forgave me when I didn’t deserve it. Teach me to love like that. Not the easy kind, but the holy kind—the kind that costs something. Give me the courage to love people who’ve wounded me, and the humility to admit where I’ve failed to love well. Break my pride, fill me with Your Spirit, and make love my reflex, not my last resort. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Final Thought
You can’t fake this kind of love. It’s not about being polite—it’s about being transformed.
Love is the evidence that the Holy Spirit is alive in you. Not your title, not your reputation, not your Sunday attendance—your love.
So maybe the measure of a man isn’t how much he can handle—it’s how well he can love when everything in him wants to avoid the situation altogether.
Real men don’t hide their hearts—they let the Spirit lead them.
This week’s step: Write down a name:
- One person who’s not easy to love.
- One person who stretches your patience.
- One person you’re avoiding.
Each day this week, pray for them. Ask God to help you see them the way He sees you—flawed but loved, broken but redeemable.
Then ask God to show you the next step.
Greek Word Meanings for Each Fruit.
download this PRINT-friendly devotional for your next men’s breakfast or Bible study.
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